God is revealing His love to me in greater measures. Last week God revealed (very unexpectedly, I might add) a terrible bondage in my life--the fear of man. Those of you who know me quite well may have heard me speak of this to some degree in past conversations--it's not something I've purposely hidden--but the degree to which it has gripped me astonished even my wise, very best friend, and husband, last week.
In the middle of a deep conversation on a completely different, but strangely related topic, Josh so innocently asked a line of questions that took the both of us by surprise. :) The result--I gushed out all of the crazy, fear-driven thoughts that run through my head on any given day. He was blown away. He then asked me if I'd spoken of these to any of my other friends. I told him, well, maybe not specifically, but I'd certainly never tried to hide it. He encouraged me to voice this to my friends, which I did, the next day during my prayer group. What a blessing. As I confessed this sin, it's grip began to loosen in the light of God's presence and these precious prayer warriors surrounding me. God encouraged my soul that freedom from this yoke was breaking.
After the prayer group, my mind began to swirl with thoughts of guilt. I could be doing more. Giving more. Saying more. Sacrificing more. Suffering more. Loving more. All of these thoughts had a scriptural background, by the way. Very heavy. And very contrary to the yoke that Jesus professed.
Friday I knew I needed some time with Jesus. But I awoke so tired and drained from my head cold. Lord, can I sleep in and talk with You after the kids go to school? Sure, He said. That morning as I met with Him, He told me, "pursue love." He showed me, just simply as I sat with Him in worship, how my former thoughts and desires were driven by fear, and how that fear was crippling me. He revealed how I could not do the things I had imagined with the heart that I had at that moment. I must be perfected in love.
Freedom!!!
And then comes Sunday! Pastor Mark stands up and preaches out of Galatians 5, beginning, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." He proceeds to preach that we were not only freed FROM sin, but freed TO love!!! He shared that we are to use our freedom to love, and thus, serve one another (galatians 5:13-14). It was so beautiful. Throughout the sermon, he even used the "fear of man" as his primary example to show how that bondage will prevent us from loving one another well. I was grinning ear to ear, just marveling at the Spirit of God, speaking so vividly to me. One last phrase he shared was this: love is motivated by a joy to share the fulness, but the flesh is motivated to fill itself. Boy, did that bring some clarity to my former ways of thinking!
And then I come to today! I'm in the middle of a fast and prayer session with the church, and today we were asking God to break any bonds of the yoke that have snuck into our church body. As we address these things in prayer together, I open my Bible, flip through various passages as we are together in prayer, and then I decide to open up my "Jesus Calling" little devotional (thanks, mom!). As we're praying for bondage to be broken, here's what I read:
Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes. There are several dangers to this practice. First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you. Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's spiritual, emotional, and physical condition. The major problem with letting others define you is that is borders on idolatry. Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please Me, your Creator. It is much more real to see yourself through My eyes. My gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin. Through My eyes you can see yourself as one who is deply, eternally loved. Rest in My loving gaze, and you will receive deep peace. Respond to My loving Presence by worshipping Me in spirit and in truth. (hebrews 11:6 and john 4:23-24)
And so, as I press in to know the love of God more fully, and to express the love of God more fully, I am amazed and in awe at how He responds to my heart's cries and gently and profoundly releases me--from captivity to freedom. from fear to love. Thank You, dear Lord.
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4 comments:
Oh friend God is SO awesome! I love you!
Much more to say, but a blog comment will not suffice... we must talk soon. :-)
Hi Lol! I still am going to write more once I reply to your email, but I had to say right away that this morning's Bible study I attended was entitled "Loosening the Yoke" (from Breaking Free by Beth Moore, ALL on identifying areas of bondage and turning to freedom)and was right on track with what you're sharing. I'm in the same boat, my friend, and struggling with my own sense of what should define me and through whose eyes. Love you and thanks for sharing!
"love is motivated by a joy to share the fulness, but the flesh is motivated to fill itself."
Pastor Mark nailed it, truth spoken from the Lord through him that morning. God is moving in your church Lolly, and in your family. Leaders are being grown and nourished. Hearts are being broken and stregthened. Even from a far away land (So Cal :), I am feeling this movement for you all.
Praying with you in all God is revealing to you!
I love it. It makes me well up. We love because He first loved. Sometimes we make things so darn complicated--we try to wrap our minds around something too big and too vast. I feel like sometimes I'm in a 12 step program--HAHA--seriously! One day at a time ... One step at a time ... give me THIS day my daily bread ... each day has enough trouble of its own ... what is useful for today ... why am I so flippin worried about 'around the corner?' God's got that in the bag! Praise God for revealing the bondage you were under and for His power to break and restore you into complete unity with Him. I pray for you Lol, often. You are beautiful.
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